Tomorrow night marks the third session of my OCIA journey, and I find myself grappling with a whirlwind of emotions. A sense of dread looms over me, mingling with a nagging question: what have I gotten myself into? The biggest query, however, is whether I should continue on this path.
As I reflect on the past year away from my church, it becomes clear that I need a period of rest and reflection to heal from the wounds I’ve experienced within that community. After a year of silence from my pastor, I received a brief message on Facebook expressing sympathy for the loss of my beloved dog, Biscuit. Twelve months without a word, and this was the outreach I received? In contrast, during my brief absence from another parish, the priest reached out to check in after just two Sundays.
This disconnection has left me questioning my place in the church and the support it offers. Just tonight, a fellow OCIA participant called me, struggling to understand the Catechism. I was happy to help her; in fact, I even prepared a handout for our class tomorrow. Yet, while I find joy in helping others, I can’t shake the uncertainty about my own journey.
Right now, I’m leaning toward prioritizing my need for rest and healing. It’s essential to take time to process these feelings and to understand what I truly want moving forward. I believe that through this period of reflection, I can emerge stronger, ready to make the decisions that align with my values and well-being.
As I navigate this complex landscape of faith, community, and personal healing, I know one thing for sure: taking care of myself is the first step toward finding clarity. Whether I choose to continue with OCIA or not, embracing this time of rest is crucial. After all, sometimes the most significant journey is the one within.
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