Faith is a journey. It's personal, often complex, and frequently accompanied by moments of doubt and questioning. Recently, I had a significant conversation with my mom about my desire to join the Catholic Church. It's not the first time we've discussed it, but this conversation was different, as it highlighted some of the deeper concerns she has—not only about the Church itself but also about what it means to be a part of a faith community.
My mom has always been someone who values personal connection to God, a relationship that transcends rituals or institutionalized religion. Her perspective is simple: she believes that anyone, regardless of their affiliation with a specific church, can have a relationship with God. To her, faith isn’t about rules or labels. It’s about living a life that reflects God’s love. This idea—one that emphasizes the personal over the institutional—has shaped my own understanding of faith. But it also makes me question whether joining a specific church, with all its rules and structures, is necessary for spiritual growth.
During our conversation, my mom raised an important point that I’ve heard before, but it’s one that now resonates more deeply with me. She doesn’t believe that one needs to be a member of a church to be a part of the body of Christ. It’s not the membership, she argues, but the relationship with God that counts. She also mentioned her reservations about the rules that come with receiving the sacraments, especially communion. She doesn’t feel it’s fair or just that someone must meet specific criteria—like confession or a particular state of grace—before receiving communion. After all, isn’t communion about receiving grace?
I tend to agree with her. At its core, communion is a means of grace, a way for us to experience the love of God and His presence in our lives. It’s an invitation to be transformed, not a test to be passed. I’ve always struggled with the idea that we must jump through specific theological or moral hoops to partake in something that is fundamentally about God's grace. In that sense, my mom’s perspective resonates with my own wrestling, and I feel a sense of unity with her in that reservation.
But this conversation went deeper than just communion. My mom also expressed strong feelings about the Catholic tradition of calling priests “Father.” She doesn’t believe it’s appropriate to refer to someone in that way, as it seems to her like an elevation of human authority in a way that competes with God's sovereignty. She’s never been comfortable with the idea of giving someone that title, and today she shared those concerns with me. It made me pause and wonder what my own dad thought about it. I’ve never heard him express any concerns about this practice, but I wonder if, deep down, it has bothered him too. I realize that I need to talk with him about it as well, especially since this issue is part of the broader reservations I have about joining the Church.
As I reflected more on all of these concerns—mom’s reservations about communion and the title “Father” for priests—it became clear that the doubts I have about joining the Catholic Church are not going away. These reservations, particularly when compounded by my mom’s perspective, are making it harder for me to feel at peace with taking that step. I’ve spent time praying, reading, and attending Mass, and I love the Catholic Church. The liturgies, the sense of tradition, the community—it’s all meaningful to me. Yet, the doubts persist, and I feel pulled in different directions.
After much thought and prayer, I’ve made the difficult decision to stop attending the Catholic Church for now. I need to take a step back and create space to explore other spiritual homes that may be a better fit for where I am in my faith journey. This doesn’t mean that I’ve rejected the Catholic Church altogether, but I need time to sort through these doubts and find a place where I can fully embrace my faith without the weight of unresolved questions holding me back.
I know that this decision will not be easy, and it may bring up further struggles, but I trust that God will lead me in the right direction. Sometimes, the best way forward is to take a step back and reassess, and I hope that in doing so, I can find a community where I can grow spiritually and serve faithfully.
In the meantime, I will continue to have conversations—like the one with my mom today—and also with my dad. As these doubts persist, I recognize the importance of leaning into them, understanding them, and allowing them to deepen my faith, rather than causing me to run from it. Faith is not about having all the answers; it’s about seeking the truth, even when it’s unclear. And so, the journey continues, with more questions than answers, but with a heart still open to God’s leading, wherever that may be.
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