Tomorrow night, God willing, I will be going to my first confession. It’s a moment I have anticipated for a long time, and yet, there is a mixture of excitement and nerves in my heart. The sacrament of reconciliation is one of the greatest gifts Christ gave to His Church, yet for many of us who come from Protestant backgrounds, the idea of confessing our sins to a priest can feel foreign—perhaps even daunting.
As someone who has believed in transubstantiation since childhood, even while attending a Southern Baptist church, I have long been drawn to the deep sacramental life of the Catholic Church. Yet, the journey into full communion is not without its challenges. The OCIA process has tested my patience and expectations, leaving me questioning whether I truly belong. But no matter how much frustration or doubt I may experience, the reality remains: Christ calls us into relationship with Him, and part of that relationship involves seeking His mercy.
First confession is not about condemnation—it is about healing. Christ does not invite us to the sacrament to shame us but to free us. I remind myself that the priest sits in persona Christi, not as a judge eager to punish, but as Christ Himself, longing to extend His love and forgiveness. I think of St. Faustina and her message of Divine Mercy, a devotion that has brought me so much peace in times of trial. She once wrote that the greater the sinner, the greater their right to God's mercy. What a profound truth!
Earlier this weekend, Father told me that he could not hear my confession unless I took communion. He only said this because I believe in consubstantiation instead of transubstantiation—yet neither denies the real presence of Christ. This was really discouraging to hear, and it left me feeling confused. This was unexpected and left me feeling confused. I have spent so much time preparing for this sacrament, and now I wonder if the path I have been following is as clear as I once thought. Even in this uncertainty, I trust that God will lead me where I need to be.
I hope to make it tomorrow night, but if something prevents me, I trust in God’s providence. The opportunity will come again. One of the lessons I have had to learn in this season of my life is to let go of rigid expectations and trust that God's timing is always perfect. Whether tomorrow or another day, I will go, I will confess, and I will receive the grace that God so generously pours out. If I cannot make it, I will be okay. I will wait for a year before making my decision about becoming Catholic—after all, it’s in God’s timing, not mine.
For those who have yet to experience the sacrament, I encourage you: do not be afraid. Christ is waiting for you with open arms. If you have been hesitant, take that first step in faith. You are not alone in your fears, but you are also not alone in His mercy.
Tomorrow night, I hope to hear the words I have longed for: "I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." But even if I must wait a little longer, I know one thing for certain—God’s mercy endures forever.
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